just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
