Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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