the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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