Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
