I accidentally had phone sex last night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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