he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
