yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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