no you cant smoke seaweed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
