I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
