I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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