I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
