I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
