Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
