My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
