hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
