We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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