I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
