why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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