if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
