i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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