I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
