I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
