the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just high enough for therapy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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