I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
