so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
