I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
