I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
