i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
