then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
