We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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