Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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