Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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