I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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