Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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