under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
