I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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