Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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