Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
