So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's blow job season.
He better not be in your backpack
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
