Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
