i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
