I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
