Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
