She is in my trunk
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
