Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
