He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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