dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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