pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
