The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
