dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
