Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
