sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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