My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
