very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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