My cat gives me a boner
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize