I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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