I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
