i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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