Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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