how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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