I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
