He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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