Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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