I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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