Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
