Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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