So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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