i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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