i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
