Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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