Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
