i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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