Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
