My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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