Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
