The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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