So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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