someone owes me an orgasm
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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