I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
